Life can be hard. The fact of the matter is that none of us are getting out of here alive. Simple fact of a life on earth. What we choose to do with the time we have is what defines us and our experience here. We can choose to let the crushing weight of that inevitable decline defeat us, or we can choose to find hope and happiness in the experiences that we get to have while here.
Sounds easy enough, right?
If that were true, then we’d all just be happy little cherubs bouncing around being kind to one another. Truth is, staying positive in the face of overwhelming obstacles is exhausting. Another truth is that time passes regardless of what we do with it. Bones heal, circumstances change, oftentimes with little or no input or effort on our part. We tend to get through life regardless of whether or not we’re happy or sad, injured or at the peak of health, devastated or thrilled. Time does what it does regardless of how we feel about it.
Honestly, think about it – aside from some horrible exceptions (like an illness, injury, assault, etc., that yeah, totally, you get to be upset about that. Be as upset as you need to be. I get it. Those things are horrendous and awful and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. Not your fault. You just get through that as best you can, however you need to. Zero judgements.) for the tamer, more annoying or aggrevating life events, we often blame our circumstances for our behaviours, actions and feelings. But the circumstances are a benign thing. It’s what we choose to do in the face of those circumstances that determines who we are. Are we the person who gets mad at traffic or the person who decides to turn up the radio and take the opportunity to rock out? Same circumstance, two different ways of dealing with it. Neither is good or bad. It’s just how you decide you want to react in that moment, based on what you feel like you need.
My point is, how you choose to respond to life events is very personal and entirely up to you. But you wouldn’t be reading this post if you were enjoying the way you’re choosing to respond to said life events. And really, your enjoyment of your experiences here is the whole point.
This is where things like mindfulness, positive affirmations, gratitude practices, and all the ‘woo’ comes in. They are basically neurorehabilitation practices for your resting state thought processes. Meaning – they are great ways to change your base reaction response to life events.
In non-geek speak, these types of practices help you to change the way you react to stuff that happens. I read a great quote once about how if consciousness is the piano player, the brain is the piano. Sometimes that piano gets out of tune. Neurorehabilitation and neurofeedback training is how you go about tuning that piano. So these practices basically train your brain to automatically respond with gratitude or a positive affirmation rather than anger or a feeling of defeat to something that is actually a rather innocuous or vaguely annoying event. They change the way you view that event so that you get more enjoyment out of your life. So the annoying traffic becomes an opportunity to have some ‘me time’ instead of, well, being annoying. You’re going to be stuck there regardless, so you might as well enjoy it.
The great thing about this is that it means that your happiness or level of enjoyment is actually completely separate from the circumstances that are occurring. And it is completely within your control.
This is, of course, easier said than done. But that’s true of learning anything new. Nothing is easy in the beginning, but you stick with it and those brain pathways are just going to carve themselves out over time because that’s what our brains do. You can choose to strengthen the pathway that reacts to everything with a sense of hope, wellbeing and gratitude, or you can choose to strengthen the pathway that responds to everything with negativity, pessimism and hostility. Totally up to you. Both are perfectly fine. Whatever fills yer boots!
But should you be interested in the happy one, I’m just gonna leave this here… ;)
Why you should have a gratitude practice:
Gratitude practices, something as simple as taking time every day to write down 3-5 things that you were grateful for that day, have been found to benefit mental health, physical health, well-being, even your sleep. A clinical trial by Cunha, Pellanda & Reppold (2019) found that a daily gratitude practice lasting 14 days managed to increase positive affect, subjective happiness and life satisfaction, and reduced negative affect and depression symptoms in adults. And it can have long-lasting effects. One study from the University of Pennsylvania found that writing down three positive events each day for a week kept happiness levels high for up to six months.
So how can you get the most from your gratitude practice?
1. Gratitude doesn’t have to be a big thing. It can be something as simple as appreciating the nice weather, a song you like on the radio, a short line at your favourite coffee shop. As I said earlier, writing down just 3-5 things a day is enough to reap the positive benefits of gratitude.
2. Consistency is key. The more you do it, the more you’ll find things to be grateful for, the easier it will be for your brain to just naturally look for things to be grateful for in any situation.
3. Don’t just like the good stuff. Find ways to be grateful for the challenges as well. The more that you can look for the silver lining in all events, especially in your challenging ones, the more you’ll realize that good things can be found even in the worst circumstances.
4. Express your gratitude to/for others. Everyone likes a compliment, but a truly genuine expression of gratitude can leave a lasting impression and turn someone else’s day around. Spread that sh*t everywhere.
5. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re struggling to come up with something to write down. I like to use those moments as a useful barometer that I haven’t been giving myself enough things to be grateful for and then spend the next few hours practicing self-care. Remember, you don’t have to just wait for life to hand you reasons to be grateful. Make it happen for yourself. Give yourself some things to be grateful for and you’ll realize that no one else is in charge of your happiness. You have the power and the control over whether or not your day is filled with things to be grateful for or not. The more you begin to realize that you have complete control over whether or not you have 5 things to be grateful for that day or 20, you’ll start to really understand the true meaning of self-care. Other people can do whatever. Doesn’t matter. You can still have 20 things to be grateful for that day instead of 5. Totally within your power to do for yourself.
So, with that said – thank you so so much to everyone taking the time to read this post. I truly and genuinely appreciate each and every one of you and that you think that there’s something here worth reading. That’s a rather awe-inspiring and humbling thing, if you think about it. Which I do. Often.
Til next time, Folks!
Reference:
Cunha, L. F., Pellanda, L. C., & Reppold, C. T. (2019). Positive Psychology and Gratitude Interventions: A Randomized Clinical Trial. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 584. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584